Empowering

I am first and foremost, proudly a mum to 3 wonderful kids; a role I consider as one of the most valuable things I will ever do in my life.

My passion for parent education came as somewhat of a surprise because, prior to having children, I was a self-confessed sceptic about the very idea of ‘parent education’. I believed that love and natural instinct were all you needed. This was before we hit the ‘terrible twos’ and I discovered no amount of love and natural instinct convinced my son to get up off the supermarket floor and stop stripping the shelves in a violent rage or to put his coat on when it was time for school!

By chance, in a bid to meet new parents at my son’s nursery (and a chance to drink a cheeky glass of free champagne!), I attended a talk put on by the PTA by a positive parenting expert that gave me serious ‘food for thought’ and challenged my ideas and existing practices. Vitally, it offered real solutions: simple, practical ideas to establish better, more positive communication and encourage cooperation and to achieve a more positive and harmonious home life.

It offered real solutions: simple, practical ideas to help establish better communication and encourage cooperation and to achieve a more positive and harmonious home life.

I was sufficiently intrigued to try it out and the results were immediate: my relationship with my children improved and my home life got notably better. My husband was flabbergasted by the change! And so, my curiosity was sparked, and I went on to take a parenting course and then trained with The Parent Practice to become a Positive Parenting Educator.

There was, however, still one piece of the puzzle missing. While I found positive parenting skills highly effective, I struggled to be consistent. When 'real life' got in the way—like being late for a meeting or dealing with my son dumping his entire box of Lego right before bedtime—I often forgot to apply those positive parenting skills. In those moments, my reactions were hot-headed and harsh. I hate to admit it, but sometimes my behaviour was quite childish, even though I didn't have the excuse of actually being a child.

In these instances, it was clear that the problem was me, not my children. I soon realised that the key to positive parenting success was to better manage my own emotions and behaviour. This realisation led me on a fascinating journey of self-discovery. I trained in mindfulness, read books, attended talks with leading experts, and took courses in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Training), New Authority (formerly known as Non-Violent Resistance), and meditation. I devised ways to adapt what I learned into practical ideas and practices that fit my life as a busy, modern parent.

As a result, I became much better at responding intentionally to my children rather than reacting impulsively. I discovered better ways to stay calm and kind, even when my kids were 'pushing my buttons'. I also learned what to do when, inevitably, things went wrong once in a while.

The result was I got far better at responding intentionally to my children, rather than reacting wildly.

In 2015 I founded Raise and Shine, which I set up with the aim of helping other parents better manage the challenges of parenthood.

There are too many idealistic ‘before and after’ stories banded around and, when it comes to parenting, we are all in our own place on the journey. Like everyone else, I am still in the middle of it; I still have my fair share of LPMs (Low Parenting Moments) and I continue learning: I still learn new things from my children and about myself every day.

And yet, I can honestly say that I have made a complete U-turn with regards to my opinion about parent education. I wouldn’t be without it. That is because I no longer feel I am ‘getting it wrong’ so much, and no longer am I at a loss as to what to do when facing parenting challenges. I am building really wonderful relationships with my children and being a parent genuinely feels far easier, less of a mystery and a lot more joyous than it was before.

Indeed, the first-hand experience I have from the work I have done myself with my own family and the positive results I have seen with the clients that I have worked with, shows me that by taking the time to learn and apply effective parenting tools it is possible to create a better functioning family with strong relationships and thriving children who are confident and content. And couldn’t the world do with a whole lot more of these?

It is possible to create a better functioning family with strong relationships and thriving children who are confident and content.

And so, I now believe parenting support should be the norm rather than the exception and this is why Raise and Shine exists: to empower parents to be their best. No one thinks twice about seeking advice and support from a midwife when they are pregnant, or a health-visitor when they have a small baby. I am here to give parents the support they need as they raise their children in the complex modern world.

I have learned that:

• Being a parent is not easy
• Being a ‘perfect’ parent is impossible
• But being a parent is good

I have field-tested the theories, and developed the tools. I know that with the right knowledge, vision and skills you can get creative and find your own unique parenting groove too.